Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
