I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
