your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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