Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
