you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
