I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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