I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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