Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize