The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
