Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
