is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
