eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
