remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
