Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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