You made me cry and you don't even care
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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