i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
