It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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