She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
