you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's always time for handjobs
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
