Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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