Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
