she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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