Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
