FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
