The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
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