I am puke
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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