That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My vagina is very pro this idea
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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