whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize