kristin has been a bad kristin
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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