I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
