My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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