Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
