I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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