so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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