Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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