So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
