I've blown a few things in my day
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
