Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
