Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
