I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
