you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
