if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
