Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
