So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
