end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize