dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
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