There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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