Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
