1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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