Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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