This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
