i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
