the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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