Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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