theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its liver damage thursday
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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