it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
