You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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