I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have post one night stand depression
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
