I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
