dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
