we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
