drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
