I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
