I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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