Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
