we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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