So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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