I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
