I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Randomize