wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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