Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
