That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
