Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
