I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
