I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
