I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
