Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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