But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
