i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
