So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
